I often find myself laughing at how others see me when anxiety decides to flood up my system. I couldn't care less on whether it is sarcastic or not. Currently, I am in the back of an empty classroom, cross-legged, sans lights. I decided to stray away from the class and to be honest, I'm not quite sure if it's considered as cutting classes. Hopefully not. I decided to continue my talk about anxiety because it's been awhile and I haven't written anything that doesn't seem beauty guru-ish for a few months and because neil keeps bugging for me to actually continue it. A few moments ago, it decided to hit me again. It's such a shame because I was five months major anxiety-free.

illustration from Rookie.

Anxiety is like fever to me. Curable, sure, but it will never be gone for good. I didn't grow up to be anxious considering that people consider me to be bubbly and optimistic. How ironic is that? It's as if I am cursed. If you suffer from anxiety, you'll probably understand that it isn't mere nerves. It's being shaky in every single detail and despite how much you'd want to get rid of it, you simply cannot. It's that annoying whisper on your head when you try to purchase something. It's stuck with an adhesive so strong no one but your strongest self can abolish.

The thing is, I don't want to dodge anxiety; I want to permanently get rid of it. I wish I could tell you how to, but I simply cannot.